My last post was soppy, I know. But moving on, today I felt like contemplating attraction. (And that’s not soppy, how?)
You see, I find myself attracted to a person I don’t see frequently. I haven’t seen them socially in about a year, yet continue seeing them when they pass by during the work week. This gets to be frustrating, as I cannot seem to rationalise how I could possibly be attracted to someone with whom I have had little to no interaction with.
Perhaps it is that the few times I have met or spoken to them, that they have astounded me with the rare kindness they possess as an individual.
The most challenging aspect of writing this post is to admit I like this person. And when I do see them, be it in passing or during small talk, I find myself happier. I can further yet question how someone I know so little about can make me happier than my own best friend. What stems from this as an answer is that A. I am not on good terms with my best friend, and B. That perhaps the form of attraction is different… Yet it is not. I feel the type of attraction for this person as one would for their current love interest. Only, I am stuck calling that ‘love interest’ my best friend.
So they make me happy. Check.
I’m attracted to them. Check.
They make me laugh. Check.
What seems to be missing? Well, I guess that’s all on my part. I’m just about as socially awkward as can be, especially around this person. I stutter, get stuck for words, and find myself averting my eyes at every possible moment. This person claims to understand, but really, I don’t feel many, if any, people can. My social awkwardness is not of the common type, but rather it stems from my dissociative disorder. And this seems to make it all the more difficult to explain, let alone comprehend.
Just about there, my mind began to wander and shortly after, procrastination ensued. But is it procrastination if you are procrastinating what you were procrastinating with? Riddle me that, will you?