The text I never sent.

I really wanted to die, a little while ago.
Really, really wanted to die.
But I couldn’t bring myself to disturb you. I wanted to hear a voice.
I’m better now, and I can bring myself to text you.
I wanted to die but there’s a ledge below my balcony, there is nothing sharp, I have no access to anything else, and I have no other means. Everything else may lead to failure.
I wanted to die so much I cried for hours.
I wanted to die so much I texted Stones in hopes he’d fix things, but he can’t. He even said so.
He begged me to live for him. But I couldn’t agree.
Anything for him, I said. Anything at all. But that.
I’m tired. I was tired. Now, I’m going to hope I can still sleep now and get enough rest to revise.
I wanted to die so much I wondered why my ‘best friend’ is never there for me.
I wanted to die.
I still want to.
But I can’t. That’s how it’s always been. Even told the doctors that.
I want to die, but I can’t. For I may fail.
I wanted to send you this text. But I cannot.

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